Snow and Angels
by purpleballerynna
Summary: Buffy remembers a certain Christmas


Snow and Angels

DISCLAIMER: Since it's Christmas, you'd better give me a gift. I want a claddaugh ring, since my mom couldn't buy me one. Just kidding. You can give me the gift of not suing. Most of these characters and most especially the flashback sequence belongs to Joss Whedon and all who work and are related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

AUTHOR: Miya J

E-MAIL: violetsilver@edsamail.com.ph

SPOILERS: _Amends_, that's it.

AN: I only own Kayla by the way. Just her. She's here for a reason, hehe. Don't ask me who her dad is though. I have no answer for that.

RATING: G, this is a safe story.

I was walking through the Christmas crowd, lugging all my shopping. It's cooler now. I stopped and looked for my daughter. 

"Kayla! Kayla where are you?" 

"I'm here mommy. Look at this thingy." I saw her in front of a shop window. _Thank God it's not a toy store. _I sighed and crouched down to look at what she was pointing. 

"What is it mommy? Is it a toy? I want one." Her smile was huge. She was bouncing up and down, her brown hair jumping with her. 

"That's a snow globe honey. And I don't think it's for children." Kayla looked at me. At first I thought she would growl and vamp out, but she only glared at me. Her glare looked like a guard dog's though. 

"I want that mommy! I want it!" she was so mad now.

 "Alright! Kayla Anne be quiet. I will buy that snow globe, but you will not play with it until you are older. Understand?" My daughter's face softened and a smile crept up on her face. "Oh thank you mommy! Thank you so much!" We both stood up and walked inside the store.

The store was an antique shop. A cheery plump man stepped out of the front table.

"Hullo, what may I help with?"

"Can I see that snow globe on the window please?" he smiled and said good choice. He picked up the snow globe, turned it upside down and twisted something underneath. The strains of a familiar song filled the air.

Hark the heralds, angels sing Glory to the new born king 

_Peace on Earth and mercy's song_

_God and sinners reconcile_

"Mommy, mommy, it's singing." The man laughed and placed the snow globe gingerly on the table. "Yes child the angels are singing." I smiled and looked at the snow globe. Something inside of me stirred. 

"It's an antique. 18th century Ireland, real silver. Don't worry, it is pretty affordable. $220, some of these go for more than a thousand." I took out my credit card and handed it to him. 

"Why is it so cheap?" I asked.

The man sighed. "The young man who owned it before gave it away to a pawnshop. Sad story that boy. I saw the snow globe and bought it for $60. Over the years, I had to raise the price."

Kayla and I left the store, snow globe in hand, and went home.

"You promise me you won't play with the snow globe when I'm not around?" I asked Kayla before she fell asleep. "Yes mommy. Thank you for my new toy." She kissed me goodnight. I was going to say 'sweet dreams' when she told me, "The angels will watch over me mommy. Don't worry."

I went downstairs and put several gifts under the tree. I glanced toward the snow globe. Drawn to it, I turned it upside down and twisted the knob. The song started. My mind started to wander. _What am I remembering? _I asked myself. Snow and angels. Something about snow and angels. I sighed and held the snow globe in my hands.

*********************************************************************************

_["Angel, you have to come inside." I said, pleading.___

_"I bet half the kids down there are already awake. Lying in their beds,  
sneaking downstairs... waiting for day." He said, looking down over the city.___

_"Angel, I need you to get inside. There's only a few minutes left." I plead some more._

_ "I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes."___

_ "I don't have time to explain this. You have to trust me; that thing that  
was haunting you…" he cut me off, almost angrily.___

_"It wasn't haunting me. It was just showing me."___

_"Showing you…"___

_ "What I am."___

_ "**Were**." I emphasize.  
 "And ever shall be. I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do."___

_ "You don't know. What, some great honking evil takes credit for bringing you back and you buy it? You just give up?" I say, hoping he'll see what I mean.___

_"I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a killer." He says sadly. Almost like he was loath to say what he was then.___

_ "Then you fight it!" I urge him on knowing that there wasn't enough time left.___

_"It's **too hard**." He admits._

"Angel, please -- just come inside." I glanced up in the sky and saw the sky brightening.  "It told me to kill you. You were in the dream, you know -- it told me to take you, to lose my soul in you and become a monster again." 

_"I know what it told you. Why does it matter?"___

_"Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly, I want to take comfort in you and I know it'll cost me my soul and a part of me doesn't care. I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man." ___

"You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil power did bring you back, but if it did it's because it needs you. And that means you can hurt it. You have the power to do real good, Angel, to make amends. But if you die now, then all you ever were was a monster." My voice going softer. But yet he turns from me. 

"Angel... the sun is coming out..." I plead again.  
"Just go." He says, ordering me.

_"I won't." I say stubbornly.___

_"You think this is simple. You think there's an answer. You can never  
understand what I've done. Now go!"___

_"You're not staying here! I won't let you –" I grab him, but he pushes me away.___

"Leave!" he shouts. I punch him. He throws me back. I fall to the ground.  
He pulls me up violently and sneers.  
"Am I a thing worth saving? Am I a righteous man? **The world wants   
me gone**."

_"**What about me**? What about - Angel I love you so much -- and I've tried to make you go away, I **killed** you and it didn't help..." I cried. My tears blurring. But my anger surfaced.___

_"And I hate it. I hate that it's so hard... that you can hurt me so much... I know everything you've done because you did it to me. I wish I wished you dead. But I don't.  I can't." I notice that he too was crying. This gives me little comfort though that I've hurt him. Because his face looked so pained.___

_"Buffy, please... just this once...let me be strong." He pleads, his tears falling to the ground.___

_"Strong is fighting. It's hard and it's painful and it's every day. It's what we have to do and we can do it together, but if you're too much of a coward for that then burn."___

_"Buffy--"___

_"Let the sun kill you! If I can't convince you that you have a place in the world, then I don't know what will. So die. But don't expect me to watch, and don't expect me to mourn for you, 'cause, I don't have... I..." I was cut off. Snow fell over us. I can't believe it; it's snowing. In California. _

_We both look at each other. Both knowing that he has been saved, morning, the sun, won't come out today. He reaches for my hand and take it. Angel and me then go for a walk in the snow.]_

I woke up with a start. Memories came rushing up to me. How could I just forget those words? How could I forget him? The one I love the most. I looked at the snow globe in my hands. Snow and angels. Snow and my Angel.


End file.
